tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC May 4, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT
>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: oh! that's the type of new york city love. [ cheers and applause ] how you feeling tonight? welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. oh, i'm so psyched. it's going to be a great show. [ cheers ] very exciting show tonight. hey, did you guys hear about this? last week, the brakes on president obama's limousine were apparently daged while he was in georgia. yeah, obama tried to call aaa, while biden tried to call the geico gecko. [ laughter ] speaking of president obama, today he hosted an early cinco de mayo party at the white house. i thought it was weird when he made the guests climb over the fence to get in. [ laughter ] he didn't have to do that. just a weird thing. a weird way to kick off a party. weird. i was just reading about this. qantas airlines will start attaching electronic tags to luggage to keep it from getting lost. and they're going to start doing that once they find the suitcase containing all the electronic tags. [ laughter ] beautiful.
[ laughter ] speaking of air travel, this week, the tsa found three landmines in a woman's luggage at newark airport. or as she put it, "damn, is the limit two? [ laughter ] my son really wants these landmines." what's wrong with people? here's an election update. today, former gop candidate michele bachmann officially endorsed mitt romney for president. romney called it "the boost i've been waiting for," while obama calls it "the boost i've been waiting for." [ laughter and applause ] some celebrity news. in an interview with "people" magazine, khloe kardashian says she wants to start avoiding the spotlight. 'cause nothing says avoiding the spotlight like an interview with "people" magazine. [ laughter ] this is interesting, you guys. over 100,000 people have listed themselves as organ donors since facebook made it an option this week.
which is weird 'cause i've always turned to ebay for all my organ needs. [ laughter ] check this out, you guys. a piece of cake from the royal wedding is expected to sell for over $1,000 at an auction. no thanks. if i want to pay $1,000 for a year-old pastry, i'll just go to starbucks. [ cheers and applause ] "can i have that toffee bar there?" and finally, a museum in chicago will soon display hugh hefner's little black book. yep, it's a hardcover, but only after it takes a little blue pill. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody! thank you for joining us and watching tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, we're very, very excited about this. we've got a new comedy album coming out june 12th called "blow your pants off."
and it's got a bunch of songs -- amazing guest artists. bruce springsteen is on the album. justin timberlake is on the album. dave matthews is on the album. eddie vedder. paul mccartney is on the album. and much more. as i mentioned earlier in the week, i'm about to reveal the album cover tonight. right now. [ drumroll ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, the cover of our new album, "blow your pants off." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't remember taking this photo at all. i don't remember doing this. quest, you've never seen it? >> questlove: no. >> steve: is it the guy we're laughing about? >> jimmy: nice glass of wine. listening to the album, and his pants blew off. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: he didn't even realize his pants totally blew off.
>> steve: yeah. that says june 12th. that's what it says. >> jimmy: what is it? >> steve: june 12th. >> jimmy: june 12th is what it says. you're looking at the day. all right. watch it. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] i don't know if this is my butt or a stunt butt. there's rumors going around. it's like the mona lisa of album covers. >> steve: yeah. you don't know. >> jimmy: but if you buy this, you don't get the sticker. >> steve: ooh. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: super moon. super moon, june 12th. >> steve: super moon. like a full moon? >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. june 12th. anyways, it comes out june 12th. "blow your pants off," everybody. there it is. there it is. [ cheers and applause ] we have a big show tonight. the great martha stewart is in the house! [ cheers and applause ] i love martha stewart. beautiful, talented. he's on, like, eight nights a week here at nbc. host of "last call with carson daly" as well as "the voice." my man, carson daly joins us tonight! [ cheers and applause ] finally, he's here.
i love that guy. and we have a terrific comedian making his network tv debut. dave waite is here tonight, and it's going to be fun. [ cheers and applause ] a very funny comedian. it's time for "late night hashtags," you guys. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you guys, "hashtags." these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweet. so, since "the avengers" comes out in theaters tomorrow, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called #mysuperpower and asked you guys at home to tweet us something funny or crazy superpower that you wished that you had. and we got thousands of tweets. in fact, in less than five minutes, it was a worldwide trending topic, which was awesome. so thank you for those tweets. [ applause ] and now i thought i'd shared some of my favorite #mysuperpower tweets from you guys. here we go. this first is from an @rccerrn. she says, "i would be able to close the elevator door as soon as i got in so i wouldn't have to pretend i tried to push the open button."
i like that. that superpower. it's, like, i can't. >> steve: sorry. >> jimmy: sorry, i can't. [ laughter ] this one is from @youngleopold. his superpower, he says, "i would make athletes call time-out when i need to go to the bathroom." [ laughter ] "time-out. gary's got to pee, you guys." it's a good superpower. >> steve: uh-oh. >> jimmy: this one's from @celenalovely. she says, "i would be able to make ice-t appear whenever something is bogus so he can say, 'that's messed up,' just like in 'law & order: svu.'" [ cheers ] "wearing socks with sandals, that's messed up." [ laughter ] this one's from @scollard23. he says, "the ability to ban people from facebook for posting birthday wishes to their infant kids. madison's 1, she can't read, biatch!" [ laughter ] >> steve: what's this guy's problem? he's got a problem. he doesn't like babies. i think the guy's a baby hater. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] this one's from @yasminator. she says, "it would be the power
to leave my enemies forever stuck in that moment right before they sneeze." [ laughter ] "hold on a second." that is a weird one. i didn't think about that. oh, this one's from @gumgumerson. >> steve: oh, god bless gum gumerson. >> jimmy: that can't be his real name, right? >> steve: i think it is. i think it's his god given name. gum gumerson. he lives in sweden. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he says, "i would have cool secret handshakes with everyone that i meet without any planning. we'd meet and it just happens and we're both like, whaaat!?" [ laughter ] >> steve: that's gum. >> jimmy: meeting the pizza delivery guy. yeah. >> steve: whaaat? president obama, nice to meet you. whaaat? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @hibesattack. he says, "the ability to teleport into random people's bathrooms and high-five them while they're doing their business." [ laughter ] that's weird. >> steve: i don't that has -- >> jimmy: up top, barry.
up top. >> steve: i don't think that has anything to do with superpowers. >> jimmy: no, not really. that's just weird. this one's from @pob. she says, "people who stare at their reflection in storefronts when instead get robert deniro looking back saying, 'what are you looking at?'" [ laughter ] and here's what i don't get about that. robert deniro doesn't say that. he says, "you talkin' to me?" [ laughter ] he doesn't say, "what are you looking at?" >> steve: he might say -- >> jimmy: "what are you looking at? what are you looking at? what are you looking at? what are you looking at? what are you looking at?" [ cheers and applause ] he doesn't do that. he doesn't do that. that was interesting, either way. >> steve: well, in her reflection it would. >> jimmy: yeah. this last one here's from @scedatol. he says, "the ability to travel back in time to the moment i met my ex and say, 'run, bitch, run!'" [ laughter ] there you have it. that was tonight's "late night hashtags." check out more of our favorites. go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags. we'll be right back with "wheel of carpet samples," you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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the audience choice ingredient bud light! and here we go. looks like chef dubois is emulsifying the bud light into a foam, what's his competitor doing? he appears to be having a really, really good time. cheers. a bud light reduction for dubois and his opponent? also improvising nicely, let's see that again. judges? i like the use of the pressure cooker to tenderize the beef. but also the use of the cell phone to order the pizza. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. sorry chef, we're going to need more ingredient. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] nothing will keep you from magnum. ♪ silky vanilla bean ice cream
and rich caramel sauce all covered in thick belgian chocolate. magnum ice cream. for pleasure seekers. [ beso, agents, cream. why did i make you wear these costumes? because the new avengers movie is coming out. and what does that have to do with us? we're the superheroes of insurance. [ makes whooshing sound ] whoa! how did you-- shh. [ all gasping ] [ announcer ] we are insurance. ♪ we are farmers bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ [ metal clanging ]
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everyone. i am so excited. coming up is my favorite game. this game is amazing. if you like carpets and you like samples, you're going to love this. it's a game we call "wheel of carpet samples." here we go! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let's give it up for tonight's lucky contestants. come on. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hey, how are you? nice to see you. how are you? welcome to "wheel of carpet samples," where the name of the game is "wheel of carpet samples."
how are you guys feeling tonight? >> good. >> jimmy: all right. very, very good. now, in case you don't know the rules, here's a quick refresher. on this wheel we have dozens of carpet samples. only the best varieties, of course. we have midnight caress, foggy waffle, sultry kimono, gaudy walrus, and, of course, we have tonight's mystery sample. [ ghost howl ] martha stewart, can you tell us what tonight's mystery sample is? [ cheers ] >> tonight's mystery sample is brown. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mystery sample. hey there. what's your name and where are you from? >> caroline from cleveland, ohio. >> jimmy: caroline from cleveland, ohio. very good. all right. audience, are you ready to help her out? [ cheers and applause ] let's spin that wheel of carpet samples. go for it. give it a good spin. very good.
nice delicate spin. be careful. don't want you to get rug burn. [ laughter ] oh, here it goes. it's almost there. and -- foggy waffle it is! ♪ you got foggy waffle, which means your score is 764. [ buzzer ] uh-oh, you know what that means? it's time for the lightning round. [ lightning strikes ] oh, you know what that sound means. it's time for a carpet sample fun fact. >> steve: carpet sample fun fact. abraham lincoln was the nation's tallest president. >> jimmy: thank you so much for playing. [ laughter ] come over here, buddy. how are you? nice to see you? what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm brian from jersey. >> jimmy: ryan or brian? >> brian, sorry. >> jimmy: brain from new jersey. >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: good. welcome to the show, my man. all right. brian, she has 764 points, which is the most you can possibly get. do you think you can top it? >> yes, i can. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, what sample do you have your eye on? >> the mystery. the brown. >> jimmy: oh, mystery -- you're not supposed to know what it is. >> oh, sorry. >> jimmy: mystery sample. very interesting. best of luck.
let's spin that wheel of carpet samples. [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about, brian. thank you, buddy. oh, it's going round and round. where she ends up, no one knows. let's hope for that mystery sample. here we go. it's coming up! you did it! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that's what i'm talking about. tonight oh's mystery sample -- oh, my goodness. this is fantastic. and weirdly, it is -- you guessed it -- brown. you got brown. so, you know what that means? let's put three seconds on the clock. you know how it works. when i say go, you have to name as many things as you possibly can. ready? go. >> jar, animal, dog, frog, jimmy fallon, puppet -- [ buzzer ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you forgot giraffe. [ laughter ] we're looking for giraffe. there you go. your score is 1,487. please step behind the line. thanks for playing, brian. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing, my friend? >> good. >> jimmy: nice to see you.
>> nice to meet you, too. >> jimmy: now, what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm joey from brantford, ontario. [ whistle ] >> jimmy: hey, oh. you know what that sound means. it's i'm time for a very short word from our sponsor. all right. [ laughter ] contestant number three. it is time to spin that wheel of carpet samples. go for it, buddy. come on. oh, that's a good spin, joey. very, very good spin. where it stops, nobody knows. the mystery sample is already gone. oh. uh-oh. this is going to be a good one right here. yes! startled yak! ♪ this is fantastic. startled yak. now, as always, you have the option to trade in your carpet sample for whatever is inside this box. [ laughter ] >> definitely box. >> jimmy: you never know what's going to be in here. here we go. it's a carpet sample. ♪
jolly lama. jolly lama. all right. this is one of the closest matches in the long and storied history of "wheel of carpet samples." higgins, who is tonight's winner? >> steve: i know. i feel bugs bunny is a racist. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: higgins. higgins. >> steve: oh, i'm sorry. the winner of tonight's game -- the winner is the contestant number 2! >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! ♪ >> steve: well, jimmy he won -- >> jimmy: brian from jersey is the champ. >> steve: he won a carpet sample! this sample of carpet is 14 inches long, 5 inches wide and is a carpet sample. jimmy? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. thank you so much. guys, unfortunately for you guys, you're two losers, so i will take this from you. you didn't win anything tonight. i feel so bad, but you just let me down and you let yourself down. [ laughter ] higgins, nobody goes home empty handed here. tell them what the consolation prize is tonight. >> steve: well, tonight's consolation prize is a $300 gift certificate to the apple store. this $300 gift certificate is valued at $300 and can be
exchanged for $300 worth of merchandise at any apple store. jimmy? >> jimmy: so sorry. so sorry. thank you for playing. you won. you're the big winner. you got it, buddy. what are you going to do with it? where are you going to put it? >> in my bedroom. >> jimmy: of course you are. you're going to put it in your bedroom. i'm just kidding. we're going to give you the gift certificate as well. congratulations, buddy. ♪ have a good night. that's all the time we have. we'll see you all next time on "wheel of carpet samples!" we'll be right back with martha stewart, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ cubby! step into the perpetual motion simulator! we're testing new degree, the only antiperspirant activated directly by movement. activating protection, bear! it releases bursts of protection as you move feeling fresh and dry bear! the more you move, the more it works [ roars ]
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ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only martha stewart! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. martha stewart, you look gorgeous, as always. >> thank you. it's so nice to be here. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. you've been very busy. you went to the white house correspondents' dinner. >> yes, that's always fun. you're going to host it next year. >> jimmy: what? you think so? >> i heard that. >> jimmy: no. >> i did. i did. >> jimmy: did you really? >> yep. everybody was saying, "its jimmy's year." >> jimmy: really? >> yep. >> jimmy: i'm going to do it next year. >> are you going to be nervous? >> jimmy: i'm not going to do that. i'm not going to do that. >> nervous? >> jimmy: i don't want to do that. i think it's too nerve racking. >> it is. it's nerve racking. >> jimmy: jimmy kimmel did a great job. >> he read everything. just read page after page after page. he was very good. >> jimmy: he was great. but it's hard to top president obama is my thing. >> oh, he was great, too. >> jimmy: he's super funny. and he get very funny comedians to write for him, and he's a good speaking president. >> very good. >> jimmy: i would like to do it for a president that doesn't speak well.
[ laughter ] and then i bet that's a guaranteed win for me. >> you would be great. everybody would love you. >> jimmy: you're so nice. i tell you who loved you. kim kardashian. >> oh, i know. >> jimmy: she said the highlight of the evening was meeting you. >> i read that on her twitter. >> jimmy: isn't that cool? >> she has 14 million followers. >> jimmy: 14 million -- >> million. i only have 2 1/2 million. >> jimmy: that's not fair. >> now i am jealous. >> jimmy: oh, come on. no, you can't be jealous of kim. i have a picture of you here with the very pretty kim kardashian. and is that her sister there? oh, that's her mom. >> her mom. >> jimmy: and then wolf -- how did blitzer get in there? [ laughter ] >> he was roaming around. >> jimmy: you got wolf bombed. >> he was everywhere. >> jimmy: he photo bombed -- you've got wolf bombed in this picture. >> i was surprised how tiny kim is. >> jimmy: she's very, very tiny. >> tiny. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. do you watch her show? do you watch -- >> not regularly. >> jimmy: no, you don't. >> no, i tried to watch the wedding. but it was like watching paint dry.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, martha stewart paint, by the way. [ laughter ] the best paint you can buy. you only need one coat, and that's all you need. a variety of colors. you didn't like it? it was boring? >> no, i just thought they were so ill-matched as a couple. they just didn't go together. >> jimmy: kris humphries -- they didn't really go together, no. did you meet her new boyfriend, kanye west? >> oh, i've met him. i met him -- i was at nobu -- you know, on 57th street, the big hangout. and we saw this table full of rappers -- i thought they were rappers. and all my friends at my table said they're just guys trying to look like rappers. then, all of a sudden, there's kanye west standing right next to me, looking at me saying, "i wanted to meet you." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kanye west? >> yeah, and it was him. he was at that table. and so we talked, and he's so smart, and wants to brand all his stuff, so -- i don't know what stuff that is. but all kinds of stuff. >> jimmy: i guess, sneakers.
i don't know what he does. >> but anyway, i said, "well, you can come and visit me at my office." and he said he wanted to do that. what time? so i called my office and they said 10:30 was okay, the next morning. he was there alone, on time, for the tour of the office. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. he sent almost everybody into hiding. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a big presence when he walks in the room. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about this, because your dog -- the dog's name is genghis khan. >> emperor. >> jimmy: emperor genghis khan is the name of your dog. he's a chow chow? >> he's a chow chow. >> jimmy: and he won best in breed, right? >> yes, at westminster. >> jimmy: look at this cute dog, you guys. >> that's, like, numero uno, yes. isn't he the cutest? he's not even 2 years old, and he's a very good show dog. >> jimmy: now, what do you do for a show dog? what do you have to do? how do you prepare for a show dog? >> well, you just treat him as nicely as can be.
you want him to be happy, frisky -- not too frisky. >> jimmy: so, no drinking the night before. >> we had a lovely tea party at the plaza hotel. the plaza invited us to stay overnight in the suite. >> jimmy: you had a tea party with the dog? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> in the palm court. >> jimmy: come on. >> and, actually, people complained that there was a dog in the palm court, you know, a new yorker. >> jimmy: you're, like, he's best in breed. you gotta trust me. >> and he got to go to the bar, but, he didn't drink. he just ate. >> jimmy: i love him. little genghis khan. he's a cute little doggie, oh, my gosh. >> and he strutted his stuff. he's number four chow in america now. in the whole country. grand champion. and he's not even 2. >> jimmy: and do you go with him? >> sometimes. >> jimmy: yeah, sometimes. because you have other things going on, like this cookbook, which i told you backstage -- look at this. [ applause ] it is so good, you guys. look at that. yummy, yummy, yummy. >> every page is mouth-watering. but, what's really interesting -- did you read the back-story? >> jimmy: yeah.
i loved it. >> interesting facts about all those foods and where do they come from, the history, which immigrants brought them over, were they indigenous to america? can you name all the indigenous fruits and vegetables of america? >> jimmy: no. i definitely can not. >> i'm sorry. i should never do that to you. >> jimmy: what are they? >> well, blueberries. >> jimmy: okay. >> cranberries. >> jimmy: a lot of berries. >> potatoes, tomatoes, seafood. there's oysters and lobsters and mussels and things like that. >> jimmy: that's american. >> yes, and then there's squash. the whole squash family. so all of those things are indigenous to america. >> jimmy: the other thing -- there is some surprises in there, too. like chicken parmesan? >> yes. >> jimmy: i didn't know that was -- sounds italian. >> yes, but a lot of things were -- a lot of the italian immigrants -- >> jimmy: like my italian accent? >> perfect. are you italian? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> perfect food came from so many of the -- this is a melting
pot, so we try to accommodate everybody in this book, from the fried chicken aficionados to the -- >> jimmy: that's right. >> -- and the meatloaf and the hamburgers. >> jimmy: and corned beef and hamburgers and philly cheese steaks. >> and the food is really delicious. it's a great book for right now because everybody's starting to cook outside. have you barbecued yet? >> not yet, but i cannot wait. corned beef hash. i love corned beef hash. >> i do too. >> jimmy: that's, like, my favorite breakfast. >> there's great southwestern food, too. >> jimmy: it's just fun. i love cooking. when i was growing up, my when i was growing up, my grandma used to babysit me now and then. and she'd sit me down, and i'd just read betty crocker's cookbook and just look at all of the pictures. >> did she cook for you? >> jimmy: no, we didn't food. we didn't have any food. just looked at the pictures. she starved me, yeah. >> well, i'll cook for you any time. >> jimmy: you will? >> yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you're the best. i love you so much. you're the greatest. now, you debuted a game on your show once called ladder gong.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: you remember this? >> there are a lot of other names for this game, too, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, there are a lot of other names. hillbilly horseshoes. >> polish golf. >> jimmy: yes. >> and it's hard. >> jimmy: it's not an easy game. >> have you been practicing? >> jimmy: maybe. >> i think you've been practicing. >> jimmy: i want to challenge you if you don't mind. can i play you in a game of "ladder golf" when we come back? >> yes, you can. >> jimmy: martha stewart and i are playing a game when we get back. come on back. it's going to be fun. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i am going to become facebook friends with our babysitter. no. these work, right? no. all right. mom! look what i found in the shed! no! no! no! ♪ ew! were you guys just making out in here? what? no! is it okay if i quit my job and start a blog? no. really? cold cuts from a package? yes. [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no," it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects deli meat. the tastes you love and no artificial preservatives.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with the great martha stewart, and we're going to play a game of "ladder golf." also, no, that hurt me. yeah, thank you. >> i have to break your fingers so that you can't play. >> jimmy: no, i swear. martha -- martha, quit it. [ laughter ] this game is also known as "yard balls," "hillbilly horseshoes." sometimes they call it "swinging balls." [ laughter ] we'll take turns throwing these ropes which have wooden balls on each end. we'll throw them at that ladder. top rung is worth three points. middle rung is two points. bottom rung is worth one. >> does my practice one count as three points? >> jimmy: no, it does not count as three points. it was a commercial break. >> martha's already -- she's already cheating. it's unbelievable. [ laughter ] hey, i have some beers. of course, you can't play without a couple beers. so cheers, pal. >> of course not. of course not. [ beer bottles clink ] >> jimmy: thank you so much for
doing this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love me and martha having some beers. would you like go first? ladies first. >> no, you go first. i want to see. i want to see. if you get a three, i'm going to be mad. ♪ >> jimmy: oh, come on. don't do anything, though. [ cheers ] i can tell you're doing something. i can tell. i can tell you're going to do something. here we go. >> oh! ♪ >> jimmy: a deuce. a deuce. ♪ [ audience ohs ] you're going for three. you're trying to beat me. >> right. and then you go next. >> jimmy: yeah, thank you. you're letting me play, too? [ laughter ] okay. >> oh, come on. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you've been practicing. >> jimmy: i'm not practicing. >> you have been practicing. >> jimmy: martha doesn't like to lose, you guys. whoa! [ audience ohs ] all right, here we go.
you can go closer too. >> huh? >> jimmy: you can go closer. that would -- >> well, no, i wasn't -- >> jimmy: okay. [ audience aws ] . >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: here. >> oh, good. you missed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. whoa! that was -- there was anger in that throw. there's anger in that throw. >> i have to stand back further. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. ♪ >> steve: yep! ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god. you have no chance now, martha. just go for it. you have no chance. >> i have no chance. okay, go on. get two more. >> jimmy: there you go. >> try to get all of them on. all of them. >> oh, for crying -- ♪ jimmy, you are so good. >> jimmy: i've been practicing. martha, here. just throw the last one. >> i'm getting mad. >> jimmy: no, you know what? the whole time i was throwing your balls, and you were throwing my balls. ♪ you won.
>> oh, what if you knocked it off? >> jimmy: knock my balls off. there you go. >> i am a sore loser. >> jimmy: that's the next album. that's the next album. >> i have to go drink my beer. >> jimmy: here you go, you guys. martha stewart is the greatest. check out "martha's american food" in stores now. carson daly joins us next. you're the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ today, we stand against the tyranny of single mile credit cards. battle speech right? may i? [ horse neighs ] for too long, people have settled for single miles. with the capital one venture card, you'll earn double miles on every purchase, every day! [ visigoths cheer ] hawaii, here we come. [ alec ] so sign up today for a venture card at capitalone.com. and start earning double. [ all ] double miles! [ brays ] what's in your wallet? can you play games on that? not on the runway. no.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening is the host of "last call with carson daly," which is a late night staple in its 11th season. he's also the host and producer of "the voice," which is a monster hit here at nbc. please put it together for a talented man. one of the best guys out there. carson daly! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean -- >> jimmy: come on. >> roots. >> jimmy: yeah,you can't -- >> just thank you for that. thank you so much. >> jimmy: you cannot beat the roots. >> way to show up martha stewart there. fallon, way to go. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. how are you, buddy? thank you for coming on our show. >> thank you. are you kidding me? i'm so happy to be here. >> jimmy: oh, finally. because we wanted to have you on 'cause, guys, we go back a long way. we used to be neighbors here at nbc. >> i know, yeah. just a couple floors up. it's, like, a old homecoming thing. a bunch of old roommates,
familiar faces. >> jimmy: everyone in the hallway is hugging you, going, "oh, carson!" >> it's so cool. no it's great. i'm so happy for you. congratulations. the show is awesome. >> jimmy: oh, thank you, buddy. i appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] >> really. >> jimmy: we were friends for a long time, and then our moms became friends. >> well, you were at "snl" and we shot "last call" in this building on 8h, so our offices were on the eighth floor. so, you used to come in to my office all the time and we were buddies and hanging out. then you were trying out, like, your, you know, when you were doing me, you're, like, "hey, i'm carson daly. i'm a tool. is that funny?" [ laughter ] and he'd say that to me. and i would say like, yeah, but why are you wearing glasses? and you were like, "you wear glasses on 'trl' sometimes." like, no i don't. >> jimmy: i don't do that anymore. yeah, 'cause i remember, you'd be like, "if you want help on the impression, just come into and we'll work on --" >> just come in to the -- no, he would come into my office and, like, he'd workshop his making fun of me to me. "i'm a tool. like, can i say it like that?" no, say it more like this. i'm carson daly. welcome to "trl." i'm a tool.
>> jimmy: there you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you did it so good, though. >> jimmy: do you remember? we both got dressed up exactly the same and showed up on "trl" together and walked out together. >> yeah, wearing yankees hats and all that. >> jimmy: yeah. yankees hats. the classic carson daly look. >> so now our moms are -- >> jimmy: our mothers met each other on -- they were doing, weirdly enough, the top ten list on letterman. >> on david letterman. yeah, many years ago. >> jimmy: it was a mother's day top ten list. >> it was, like, avril lavigne's mom and -- >> jimmy: beyonce's mom? >> lance armstrong's mother. >> jimmy: lance armstrong's mom. >> who my mother thought was, it was lance bass, i think, from nsync. >> jimmy: no, i think all the moms did. >> all the moms did. >> jimmy: all the moms thought it was lance bass. >> latrell sprewell's mother, i think, was there. >> jimmy: latrell sprewell's mom was definitely there. >> but i went down there 'cause we were in new york, and i went down there just to check on my mom 'cause she's never on tv. and they said, you know, of the ten moms that are here, only one other son came down to check on mom and it was jimmy fallon came to check on gloria fallon, so -- [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: yeah, but i was just making sure she didn't screw it up for the other moms. [ laughter ] and she did, though. >> no, she didn't. she was great. >> jimmy: no, she definitely screwed it up. my mom goes -- i swear, they go down -- your mom was fantastic. she looked gorgeous and she gave
you the flower. my mom, she looks gorgeous. david letterman gives her a rose. he gives all the moms a rose. and he says to all the moms, he goes, "here you go. thank you. here you go. thank you. here you go. thank you." he goes to my mom. "here you go. thank you." my mom goes, "what?" [ laughter ] i swear, he goes, "thank you," and gives her another rose. so now she has two roses. he gets to the end of the line to his mom, and he doesn't have a rose to give to his own mother. i go, "mom, you screwed it up. i can't believe you did that. what do you mean, what?" give dave's mom one of your roses. just do something nice for dave. >> oh, that was great. >> jimmy: but yeah, i love it there. >> but it's amazing, yeah. >> jimmy: and congrats on "last call." i gotta say -- >> oh, thank you. thanks, jimmy. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you do such a great job with that. well, good for you. giving it to the man. they cut your budget, and you're like, i don't care. i don't need a budget. >> well, i should mention that, yeah. we evolved by necessity. they took all our money away. [ laughter ] but, thanks to technology -- >> jimmy: trust me, yeah. i'm in late night as well. we have no money. >> it's just crazy. but we shoot with these, like, 70s and we're, like, really nimble and portable and
affordable. and the product, i think, is really good. >> jimmy: it's great. you do a great job. [ cheers and applause ] you have a great quote. you said, "i host the biggest and the smallest budget shows." >> i wrote that on twitter the other day. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it dawned on me that i've -- i'm actually an elder statesman. we've been here since, like, over ten years now or whatever. >> jimmy: yeah, it's crazy, yeah. >> and it dawned on me. i wrote a tweet. i was like, "i'm the host of the most expensive show and the least expensive show on the same network." >> jimmy: on the same network, yeah. >> it's crazy. >> jimmy: congrats on "the voice." >> i use the wardrobe from "the voice" in "last call." [ cheers and applause ] but thank you. >> jimmy: "the voice" is just a runaway hit. and gosh, this is -- being the nbc family, gosh, we were hoping that this would be a hit. and seriously, anything. we were going for anything. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: and this is just a slam dunk. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: so thank you, buddy. you do a great job with that. >> it's so much fun. it's fun. >> jimmy: why do you think people like it? i mean, why are people -- >> i think the people were skeptical about it because the singing competition, you know, landscape is crowded. there are a lot of those types of shows. but, you know, cee lo and christina and adam, myself, people who are all working sort of in the music business.
we didn't really need to do the show, but their angle was, look, this is about people's pursuit of music and their dreams. and there's nothing funny about that, and we want to make a show where we really try and help people and we sit in these big red chairs. and it was kind of goofy at first, and then, it's just great. there's great stories about the adversity that some of these people, you know -- it's incredible stories. and the talent level, i think, is really great. and season one was awesome. and we had the super bowl this year, and the show's just -- i'm so glad america just likes it. that's the biggest compliment we get is, like, i watch the show on monday nights. i don't so my spin class anymore. [ laughter ] like, destination tv, and the talent's really, really good. so, we're excited. >> jimmy: it's great. and you're coaching them and you're mentoring them all the way through. the final four is right here. these are the guys in the -- right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> who do you like? juliet? yeah. well, they're all different. i mean, you got -- this is chris mann, who's a opera guy. this is juliet simms. [ cheers ] this is jermaine paul and tony lucca. [ cheers ] so it's team christina, team blake, team cee lo and team adam.
and they all really could -- if any of them win, could, i think, really sort of pierce the music marketplace. i mean, they're all really talented in their own right. juliet simms started her momentum with this, like, gnarly cover of "roxanne" by the police. i mean, she's got so much soul. >> jimmy: gnarly in a good way. >> yeah. like, just -- she left it all out. like mary j., you know. just like had a killer -- she's got a lot of momentum, but, i mean, they're all -- any one of them could win it. >> jimmy: it's an exciting show, and i like when you talk to the crazy moms backstage. that's what i like. that's one of my favorite parts. 'cause you're just, like -- >> in the blind auditions in the beginning, they have families from all over the country who come there, and their kids, like, you know, their dream is happening and i have to watch it in a room. and if a chair turns around, it's great news. the family's happy. >> jimmy: you press the button, the chair turns around. that means -- >> their kid made it or whatever. like, life is good. >> jimmy: yeah, and it's live. and it's, like, you see the emotion and -- >> but the song ends, and, like, no chair is turned around. i'm with mom and dad who are just, like, you know, mortified. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so it's really bittersweet, but sometimes the mothers get really excited. >> jimmy: i have a clip. 'cause i want to show -- >> what do you have?
>> jimmy: this is adley stump. >> oh yeah, adley stump. >> jimmy: adley stump's mother. >> who apparently is still a cheerleader. i didn't see her coming, but she was running for me like those jumping monkeys. [ laughter ] just watch. >> jimmy: you've got to watch this. check this out. >> how did you know, mom? >> when i was potty training her at 2, she sang her abcs for skittles. and i knew right then. >> uh-huh uh-huh. >> i hope i don't have to come turn someone's chair around. ♪ is that a turn around look? >> i don't know. he's just listening. ♪ >> oh, god! oh, my god! oh, my god! >> yeah, i told you. >> jimmy: you're a good man, and i'm a big fan. and thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] carson daly! don't miss him on "last call" as well as "the voice." up next, stand-up from dave waite. see you after the break, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ strea-ea-ea-ea-eam
♪ ...and all your charms... ♪ whenever i want you, all i have to do is... ♪ [ female announcer ] introducing xfinity streampix. stream your favorite movies and full seasons of shows instantly on any screen. find out more online. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny comedian who is performing this weekend at jester's comedy club in west lafayette, indiana. he is making his network television debut with us tonight. give it up for dave waite, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. yeah. you know what i call the 1%? that is the percentage of women i've slept with that are attractive. boom. take that, ladies that have shared their bodies with me. rubes.
i used to work at delta airlines. it's a tough job. you've got to talk to people on the phones. people get confused by the time zones. we had a flight that left at 8:00 in the morning, arrived in nashville at 7:54 a.m. there would always be a guy like, "all right, buddy, you're telling me this flight leaves at 8:00 and gets in at 7:54? are you telling me this plane is going back in time?" yeah, that's what i'm telling you, doc brown. delta airlines has invented a special new time travel program. so pack your duffel bag full of mountain dew, socks and skulls. let's go, buddy. all right. then people get confused by the flights that go out west. we had a flight leaving cincinnati at 8:00. got to denver at 9:00. on the way back, the flight left at 9:00, got back at 1:00. they be like, "all right, you're telling me it takes an hour to get there but four on the way back?" bare with me, sir. have you ever heard of a wormhole? it is a rip in the space time continuum creating a vortex. just pack your duffel bag. you're getting your sky miles. whoo. sky miles, yeah.
sometimes i think i need to go to therapy, but i'm also broke. they have a thing called sliding scale therapy, if you don't know. that's where you pay based on your income. but i don't want to miss two embarrassing things in one phone call, like, "hey, i'm crazy and i'm poor. i'm crazy poor. help me. oh, you're the receptionist. all right." i have a college degree. i have a degree in geography, which makes me a dumbass. yes. nobody told me the world's already mapped out. oh, snap. [ laughter ] i should have looked at a globe. it's done. all of it. they should have had that in the guidance counselor's office. look at that. oh, you're right. i used to be a substitute school teacher. that's a difficult job. the kids are very anti-smoking. they are like, "mr. waite, are you a smoker?" i'd be, like, "no." they'd be, like, "why do you smell like a bowling alley, then?" because i'm a bowler, dammit. back off. my skin itches. i hate you kids. i need a cigarette.
i sneak off campus and smoke because i don't want the kids to see me smoking, like, "mr. waite, you're going to die from smoking." i be like, no, abigail. more like drinking. now, scurry along! scurry! oh, man. here's something -- if you own a snake, you're a tool. yeah. snakes are creepy and don't do anything. buy a painting of a snake. it does the same thing. nothing. [ applause ] equally as creepy. you ever go to somebody's house and be like, "hey, buddy, you want to see my snake?" no. like, it's over here in the tank. oh, that kind of snake. still no. [ laughter ] you get it. hey, guys, don't get fooled into going to a bed and breakfast. they're not romantic unless you have a fetish for hooking up in your grandma's house, okay? there's a bunch of quilts and rocking chairs, and that's going to kill your boner, all right? it's going to be a graveyard
full of boners up in there. the floors are all creaky. it's run by ex-hippies. it's the worst. it's not a holiday inn express. you can't go wild in there. you have to make eye contact with somebody that's making eggs in the morning. my fault. i didn't know, man. i didn't know. when i was in third grade, i used to fall out of my chair all the time, and my teacher would take my chair away. and it was because i had a condition known as ants in my pants. now that condition is more of a party in my pants. hey, watch out. all right. i think we should all come to gather as a society and agree that people that have sweaty hands need to stop shaking people's hands. [ applause ] i am sorry. your hand's dumb, okay? okay? sweat is supposed to come out of your armpit, not your hand, grossy. okay? somehow you evolved wron